Parenting Archives - Page 2 of 2

Muslim mum non-preneur, I commend you

Recently, there has been a huge wave in Muslim businesses founded and run by Muslim mums. Along with it comes high praise for the super-mums who can manage to pull off looking after children and running a household, whilst simultaneously running a business. Whilst, without a doubt, this praise is well-earned, I felt the strong need to write this post in praise of all muslim mum non-preneurs…mothers who maybe feel that they are not good enough because they do not have the time or energy to do anything other than being a mother and wife. Mothers who maybe have such zeal to set-up their own little company but restrain themselves because they feel that if they did that, then they would not give their other responsibilities due right. Mothers who maybe just feel undervalued as the spotlight falls on the “super-mumpreneurs.” Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe mothers don’t feel like this at all. But as a mother, as an author and as the co-founder of a small publishing company, this is the feeling I sometimes get when people say to me things like “ma shaa Allah, how do you do it all?” But let me tell you the reality - I am not doing it “all,” and I am no more of a super-mum than you are. “But you publish books to inspire Muslim children at the same time as raising your own children!” you may say. Yes, this is true, but in reality, I often feel like less of a super mum because of it. “Why?” you may ask. Because sometimes my mind is so clouded with ideas and to-do-lists for Education Enriched that I find it difficult to focus on my children. Because sometimes I stay up too late and am so tired the next day that I become a more impatient mother. Because sometimes I feel that my priorities become out of line and that I lose focus on my ultimate goal of pleasing Allah. Because I struggle at times too, just like you. So muslim mum non-preneur, I commend you, I really do. I commend you for fulfilling your amazing role as the one who raises the next generation. I commend you for trying to take care of yourself in those few minutes of rest, just so that you can give more to those who have rights over you. And I commend you for trying to keep your priorities straight, even if it means that your own aspirations sometimes, just sometimes, have to wait a little while. I often hear the example of Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her) and her success as a business woman being mentioned over and over again. But just as the mother of the believers, Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her), is remembered as a successful business woman, let us not forget her more important role as a wife, a mother, and ultimately, as a true believer. And if that is not enough, I leave you with the statement of the beloved Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), whose beautiful words just sum it up.

“Indeed Allah did not grant me better than her; she accepted me when people rejected me, she believed in me when people doubted me, she shared her wealth with me when people deprived me, and Allah granted me children only through her.” (At-Tabarani)

Dear Muslim mother, you are not alone

Dear Muslim mother, The last few weeks have been the hardest weeks that I’ve had for a while. Why? You may ask. Yes, there were the usual issues, the toddler tantrums, the teething troubles, the terribly overtired children, the sibling squabbles. But those issues I can - at least some of the time - deal with. Yet there was one thing that I really could not deal with, and that was the sleep deprivation. The prolonged sleep deprivation. In those few weeks, I had a permanent cloud hovering over my head. I couldn’t think straight. I suffered from bad headaches and sometimes even felt like I had a personality disorder due to my intense mood swings. On the rare occasion that I felt rested, my level of patience and happiness increased tenfold and motherhood suddenly became enjoyable again. Yet by the end of the 3-hourly-long-wake-up-at-2am-and-cry sessions, I became a different person. Angry. Anxious. Depressed. At times, I really felt like I was losing my sanity. Yet I’m not writing to you to gain sympathy or to complain. Allah knows how much complaining I’ve done over the past few weeks (may He forgive me). Rather, I’m writing to you to tell you that as a sleep-deprived, struggling Muslim mother, you are not alone. When you feel guilty about missing fajr prayer because you finally fell asleep at 5am and woke up when the sun was rising. When you feel relief at having completed ‘ishaa prayer just so that you can sit down and rest your aching body for a few minutes (or even an hour, if you’re lucky). When you feel angry at your husband for just asking if there is anything he can have for dinner. When you feel like a terrible mother for losing it with your children, over and over again. When you feel like just running away from it all (just so that you can sleep). When you feel like your imaan has all but disappeared. You are not alone. And in fact, your imaan hasn’t disappeared. Neither have you forgotten the importance of your prayer or the rights of your husband and children. You are simply struggling. You are simply sleep deprived, exhausted and at the end of your tether, just like tens of thousands (and probably hundreds of thousands) of other Muslim mothers across the world. And you are far from alone. So if you have a baby who doesn’t sleep, this letter is for you. If you have a child who doesn’t sleep, this letter is for you. And if you are a mum who suffers from insomnia, this letter is for you too. But let me tell you one thing, just while the cloud has been lifted. There will be ease. There will be ease. There will be ease. For Allah’s promise is true: “Indeed, with hardship will be ease.” So keep going. Keep struggling. Keep striving. Because regardless of what you think of yourself, the reality is that you are an amazing Muslim mother. With love and support, From a fellow Muslim mother who understands.