Because he’s still your husband and you’re still his wife

Motherhood changes us. And along with it, we are given a new identity. But whilst “mother” is a most honourable title, and motherhood is a most honourable gift, we don’t have to give up the wife we were before.

I know that it’s hard. Sometimes it feels like motherhood has taken over your former identity. But you’re still there, deep down. You’re still that same woman who once waited eagerly for her husband’s return. You’re still that same woman who once maintained her appearance, every day. You’re still that same woman who once spent her days joking, playing and simply caring.

And don’t forget, your husband is the same man too. That same man who noticed, smiled, appreciated and reciprocated.

I know that loose trousers are so much comfier than fitting jeans. I know that the lipstick may not look as neat by the time he arrives home. The perfume may have weakened. The eye liner may no longer be crisp. But it’s worth it, so worth it. For every small action is recorded and preserved. Every step towards protecting your husband is a step towards Allah’s protection. Every scent you adorn yourself with brings you closer to the scent of Jannah. Yes, he may no longer have the energy to compliment you every time. But that’s okay. Because your efforts are noticed, observed, and appreciated. So put on that lipstick, that perfume, that mascara.

Because he’s still your husband, and you’re still his wife.

I know that you want to off-load and tell him how hard your day was. I know that you are craving sympathy, and you rightly deserve it. Just like me, you may sometimes convince yourself that your job is harder than his. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Only Allah knows that. But one thing’s for sure, his day hasn’t been easy either, and his mind is weary too. So try, just try, to give him a moment of peace. A smile. A warm embrace. Be the part of the day he looks forward to, seeks refuge in.

Because he’s still your husband, and you’re still his wife.

I know that you want to fall asleep the moment your children have settled. I know that you may not feel like talking after hours of answering “whys” and “whos” and “whats.” I know that it’s hard to focus. But he craves your company. Your meaningful conversations. Your undivided attention. So strive to maintain that companionship, that connection.

Because he’s still your husband, and you’re still his wife. 

And remember, just remember, when exhaustion gives you an excuse not to…

…that right now, there are no woman’s eyes he can gaze sinlessly into except yours. That right now, there are no woman’s hands he can hold with affection except yours. That right now, there is no one who can fulfil his needs except you. He trusts you. He relies upon you. He needs you.

Because you were his wife before you became the mother of his children – and you still are.

It was said to the Messenger of Allah (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam): Who from among the women is best? He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he tells her to do something, and does not disobey him with regard to herself or her wealth in a way that he dislikes.” (an-Nasaa’i)